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Not Worth It

Sep
18



Cafe Tasse Noir Cafe Bar Wrapper

Cafe Tasse is a Belgium chocolate company whose work I see around a lot. You see it mingling around the higher end chocolate like Valrhona, El Rey, Dolfin, Michel Cluizel, etc. Hanging around a crowd like that gives me high expectations. I finally caved one day and picked up this Noir Cafe bar since I was craving something with a good coffee flavor.

I’ve seen Cafe Tasse chocolate sold in many different formats. I’ve seen small 5g tasting squares, larger “mini” bars, 45g finger bars, then the large sized bar pictures above. I like how they offer lots of different sizes to cater to how gluttonous you feel.

The design is lovely. A brown paper wrapper with vintage styled black lettering adorns the outside. The different flavors of the chocolates are color coded, so it’s easy to pick out your favorite amongst a vast selection on a high shelf.

 

Cafe Tasse Noir Cafe Bar Pieces

The bar is beautiful to look at with a gorgeous, deep coloring that’s very inviting. The snap was promising too: crisp and robust.

It’s sadly in the flavor where this chocolate goes south. The chocolate is indeed dark, with a flat flavor that’s extremely dry. The coffee is overpowering, adding more unnecessary tannic flavor to an already sour chocolate. Also, the coffee flavor is not just a flavor really. There’s coffee grounds in here. Lots of them. So yes, I do taste coffee, but I feel like I’m eating sand there’s so much grit in here. Isn’t the point of chocolate is to taste it and feel it’s wonderful smooth texture? It is for me at least.

This bar is a great example of how a chocolate bar can be misleading. Everything about it suggests it’s an excellent treat except for the flavor. Where, sadly, where the mark of a good chocolate bar really lies.

Rating: Not Worth It

 

Not Worth It

Links Cafe Tasse Website


Apr
07



SweeTart Jelly Beans Package

More jelly beans! Yay! These are another variety on the market now for Easter that are based on a pre-existing candy and have taken the flavors and translated into jelly beans. The package is really attractive and even thought it uses the traditional SweeTart colors and design, it comes across still as very festive for the holiday.

The beans are about a normal size, like a chubby peanut. Right away I notice that the colors are odd. They’re pastel neon, if you can wrap your head around that, and are completely opaque. They do have the same faded “look” like the original SweetTarts. The beans are also not very shiny at all, which doesn’t make them as attractive as they could be. I’m reminded of wasabi peas when I look at the green one.

The texture of these are also pretty strange. The outer shell is crunchy and crumbly, and it dissolves almost immediately off the jelly center. It has this cool feeling to it and it melts away on the tongue.

 

SweeTart Jelly Beans

Grape (lavendar): Very light in flavor, yet very sour. It’s dreadful, to be completely frank about it. It doesn’t taste like grape at all and it just reads as “medicinal” to me.

Cherry (pink): Flavor is very sour and tart. The taste exactly like the Flintstones Vitamins of my childhood.

Orange: Light creamy flavor that’s very mild. Think of it as a very watered down creamsicle.

Lemon: Nice and tart with a fake metallic edge to it. It tastes more like lime or bad lemonade powder to me.

Green Apple: This one is really well done. It’s not fake tasting at all to me, but very mild with fresh notes of apple and pear.

Blue Punch: Wow, a blue flavor that isn’t raspberry! It’s nicely mild, sweet and fruity. It’s very tropical and has that iconic fruit punch note to it. My favorite of the bunch.

These are great if you’re already a fan of SweeTarts, but since I’m not, I didn’t enjoy them. I wouldn’t even find them attractive in an Easter candy dish since the colors are so strange.

Rating: Not Worth It

 

Not Worth It

Links Wonka Webpage

 


Apr
06



Galerie Orange Edible Easter Grass

Edible Easter grass was something that first appeared a few years ago. When I first heard of it, I thought that it was a cool idea. I mean really, why would an extra edible something in your Easter basket be a bad idea? I obviously didn’t think about this rationally, but more like the sugar junkie that I am. Oops.

I first saw the Easter grass in Target last year. It was in a very plain, non descriptive package and came in only two flavors: cherry and green apple. Not being a fan of either, I figured that cherry was a safer bet and used my courage to take the odd looking stuff home. I don’t remember too much after that, other than I tasted it and promptly spit it out.

 

Edible Candy Grass

This year I saw the edible Easter grass again, but this time in Wal-Mart (bad sign?) by a different company and in more flavors. The package is actually very attractive, with an eggs shaped window showing the grass inside and surrounded by butterflies and bunnies. “Imported from Germany” is printed in large yellow lettering on the front, and I’m curious as to why this should have any bearing on the actual product. If it’s foreign, maybe that makes it taste better? I don’t know.

I picked up the Orange flavor since out of all the options, I thought that this would taste the best. The grass is pretty to look at, it really does look and feel like Easter grass, even though it’s a little stiff. The ingredeitns read as such:

“Potato starch, corn starch, modified corn starch, artificial flavors, acesulfame potassium, aspartame, artificial color (yellow 5, red 40, blue 2)”

The strands are square shaped and are about ten inches in length.  They smell lightly sweet. The texture is light and airy at first, then they get sticky and gummy as you start to chew. The flavor is so very faint, with only a slight orange flavor. The main flavor is of cardboard and starch, and I’m reminded of communion wafers. So they’re pretty bland, but not putrid like the cherry kind from the year before.

As stand-along Easter grass, it works fine, but the real thing is much cheaper.

Rating: Not Worth It

 

Not Worth It

 


Feb
11



Yorkie Bar Wrapper

“NOT FOR GIRLS!” cries the wrapped of this infamous candy bar. It’s made by Nestle and sold only in the UK, as we folks in the US obviously don’t know how to take a joke, especially when it’s written on a candy bar. I’d seen this bar around for a long time, but had never actually eaten it. I liked to point it out to friends, we’d all have a good chuckle over it and we’d move on. For me, Yorkie bar was not something to eat, but more of a humorous thing to stumble across in the store from time to time.

Considering how my boyfriend brought this one back to me to review, well, I had to finally sit down and give it a taste. I should have stood my ground and told time he’d have to try it for me, since you know, I am a girl after all.

The bar is really unremarkable in many ways. Taking it out of it’s wrapper it’s really just a big, thick bar that’s segmented into 5 pieces. It’s a good bite for each piece, and I can’t understand how that’d be considered “manly”.

The chocolate is a nice medium brown, creamy color. It has a subtle sheen and smells sweet.

The chocolate is hard to eat because it’s so thick. It’s very sweet with lots of caramel, creamy, milky flavors to it. The overall effect is a very rich milk chocolate. It does deliver a nice chocolatey flavor that’s faithful to that standard dry milk UK chocolate flavor. It’s just a fatter, thicker Cadbury Dairymilk in a way. Nothing noteworthy at all and I guess it boils down to how big you like the size of your chocolate bar.

Remember girls, bigger is not always better.

Rating: Not Worth It

 

Not Worth It

Links  Nestle Website

 


Jan
15



Zero Bars All Three

I’ve wanted to get my hand on these ever since I caught wind of their existence. If you’ve been a reader from the beginning, you’d know that my favorite candy bar is Hershey’s Zero Bar, that rare bar that’s basically a white chocolate Snickers. I couldn’t help but wonder if the Canadian Zero’s were going to be anything like that. I could find little information about them on the internet, so I was beside myself with joy when a friend of mine offered to send me some.

Once in hand, I was dazzled by the glitzy packaging. They definitely give off that “cool” vibe with their metallic wrappers.

Zero Dark: Looking at the ingredients list, I’m disappointed. Essentially, this bar is a block of mockolate. Oh joy.

It’s terribly messy to eat. It doesn’t hold it’s shape so it’s melty and therefore gets everywhere. The mockolate is cool on the tongue and it’s very, very sweet. The flavor is lightly of cocoa and hints of nuts and vanilla.

On the whole though, it’s unexciting and just lacking any satisfaction.

Zero Milk: Same off, greasy, cool feeling to it. The flavor is sweeter than the dark, with more milky notes, but no complexity. This fake milk chocolate is better than the dark one.

Zero White: Interesting. This bar actually has as a little cocoa butter in the ingredients listed after coconut and palm kernel oil. Yay? Well, at least it’s not hydrogenated…

I’m immediately surprised when I unwrapped this, since there’s milk and white “mockolate” in here. Huh, what? The bottom is milk and the top is white. I was expecting a full white bar.

Like the others, it’s greasy and cool to the touch. Surprisingly it tastes the most authentic of the three. It’s very creamy and slippery in the mouth, there’s lots of milky and tangy yogurt flavors in there. True to the white chocolate fashion, there’s also a strong sweetness to it too. It’s a very convincing mockery of the real thing.

Id’ (sadly) eat these again if there’s nothing else available. And I mean nothing.

Rating:Not Worth It

 

Not Worth It


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