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Inedible

So bad I couldn't finish it.

Oct
03



Joyva's Jell Ring

“Chocolate Covered”, “The Original” chirps the words on the package. How can anyone challenge, much less say no, to that? I’m inexperienced to the whole jelly ring candy world, and these are no exception. I’d always see these, or variations on them, with the other Jewish and Kosher Parve candy and sort of feel intimidated for reasons I can’t explain. Curiosity finally got to me and decided it was time to give them a try.

The ingredients list is promising. These rings are using real chocolate, so that’s a plus. There’s also agar-agar as well as raspberry flavoring listed, so at least now I know what to expect when I taste these. The package contains three rings all about the size of an Oreo cookie. They do smell chocolatey, but there’s also a very strange artificial raspberry scent to them too. The tops are lightly rippled from the enrobing and are very cute to look at.

First bite was nice except for the flavor. Kinda gross. Lets start with the texture then, shall we? Well, the jelly is firm but not chewy. The chocolate clings to it well as I didn’t get any flaking. The chew has a little give to it but it’s otherwise soft and quite pleasant. Ok, now for the bad part. The flavor is overwhelming of the gross, perfumey, fake raspberry flavor. Only in the aftertaste does it become the slightest bit authentic. I’m sad to say I hardly taste the chocolate.

It’s an “ew ew ew ew *swallow* oh, that wasn’t so bad…” sort of eating experience until your brain remembers the bad part and you’re left feeling disgusted. I didn’t finish the other two rings. Haha.

Rating: Inedible

 

Inedible


Aug
13



Hershey's Bar Caramel Cappuccino

I saw this bar on the shelf of a overlooked convenience store and knew it was something that was long and forgotten. Despite my better judgment, I picked it up anyways. Once I was home I checked the code on the back; it read 87F2Z 61 2 . Ahh, it was considered peak freshness in Jan 2006. No wonder I haven’t seen this bar anywhere else!

As I opened the bar (yes, I did plan on eating it!) a strong smell of coffee came through. The smell, mixed with the caramel and chocolate, makes a very malty cappuccino effect. Impressive, for once, since candy often claiming to be coffee of cappuccino flavored tend to fall short on their promises. So far this one smells spot on.

Overall, it looks pretty good. There was a little blooming in the chocolate on the bottom side of the bar where the chocolate had cracked near the caramel cavity. There was also a little on top where the chocolate has been bumped from storage and rough handling during shipment. Still, it looked nice for something so old!

The bar itself is split into four square cavities, with all of them sitting on a nicely molded rectangular base. There’s nice decorative cross hatching on the top, surrounding the Hershey’s logo. The ingredients list is pretty clean, no trans fats listed, unlike Hershey’s products today, but PGPR is shown on there.

I break off a piece to try….

Ugh. Not good. The chocolate is dry and the caramel is thick and sticky. Not in a good way either; but an old, tacky sort of way. The cappuccino flavor, which I’m sure was good a long time ago, now just tastes like two week old coffee: bland, odious and oddly artificial. I bet this tasted great two years ago, but now not so much.

I don’t know why I feel so surprised about this. Let this be a lesson to you: don’t eat candy that’s expired over two years ago.

Rating: Inedible (but it’s my fault!)

 

Inedible

 

 


Jul
04



Junior Fruit Cremes: Package Front

The new Limited Edition Junior Fruit Cremes are new twist on the classic Junior Mints, which are the classic panned chocolates with a creamy mint fondant center. With this new variant has a fruit flavored fondant center with a white mockolate coating. Sounds tasty already, eh? The brightly colored box is very playful and I find the green background very eye-catching. As with all my candy discoveries, I peek at the ingredients list which I immediately find disappointing since trans fats are the second thing listed. Ah well, it’s not like candy is supposed to be good for you.

 

Junior Fruit Cremes

The pieces look like Junior Mints: little rounded plops, similar to smooth river stones. They have that bit of puckering on the bottom, which is their candy belly button. The Fruit Cremes come in four colors: orange, purple, dark pink and light pink with no indication of the flavors. They don’t look pretty at all: they have a little gloss to them but they still look flat and sort of gray. The colors are muted and aren’t very bright and inviting. There’s also no aroma to them at all.

 

Junior Fruit Cremes: Interior

Orange: A nice, authentic sweet orange flavor. It reminded me of Starburst’s orange flavor, minus the zestiness and the saliva-inducing chew.

Purple: Tastes like the purple Sweet Tart: a berry flavor with hints of grape in it. *Very* sweet.

Dark Pink: This just tastes sweet, I get no flavor at all. This really makes my throat burn.

Light Pink: Hard to say what this tastes like since this is also obnoxiously sweet. There’s a light berry flavor, maybe? If I *had* to choose, I’d say it’s a hint of strawberry.


The texture of these is odd. They are very cool and smooth in the mouth, with a creamy feeling that isn’t greasy. The shell is soft and immediately opens to the creamy interior, which is smooth and brightly flavored.

I couldn’t finish the recommended serving of these since I they were burning out my esophagus with the sugar hit. I am not kidding, my throat just *burns* for all the sugar in this. I was coughing for a good 20 minutes after eating seven of these and even a glass of water didn’t help. Mind you, this has never happened to me before because I have a pretty high sugar threshold. I liked the taste from what I got out of the two that did have flavor, but overall they’re disappointing. I don’t want candy that I can’t taste half of and have to chase with three glasses of water. I’ll pass.

Rating: Inedible

 

Inedible

 


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