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October 2014
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Inedible

So bad I couldn't finish it.

Apr
15



E.Wedel Chaewa Fruit 'n Nut

I found this bar in a Polish market. I was drawn to it because it was unusual, new, and of course Polish. I need to learn that this can mean very bad things in terms of flavor sometimes. Observing the bar, it seemed to be a log of Polish nougat. I love nougat, so into my basket it went.

Since I cannot understand Polish to save my life, I guessed that these were nougat from the photos on the wrappers. I mean, there was no translation as to what it was. Not even on the import label, which vaguely listed ingredients. I was very thankful to the artist who rendered the image on the wrapper, as it was my candy saving grace. I did drop the ball here on my role as a candy blogger, as I didn’t really research this at all. A translator could have cleared up some things for me, but I didn’t do it.

Opening the bar up I was distressed and kinda grossed out. I mean, it was greasy. Really, really, really greasy. So much so that there was actual liquid grease all over and spilled onto the table. This…. thing is wet. Sitting in a pool of greasy wetness. Ew.

I realized then that this was halvah and not nougat. Interesting.

The aroma is of nothing. A black hole has more smell than this thing. The texture was light and a little crispy on the inside. The flavor was, like the scent, non existent. It’s bland and plastic-y, and the nut and raisin bits were small and intermittent. The only lasting impression was that of the off sticky bits still stuck in my molars.

I didn’t finish this. Ick.

Rating: Inedible

 

Inedible


Apr
01



Atkinson's Hiding Eggs Package

There’s something about Easter Candy that I find irresistibly attractive. Like a candy siren, I cannot help be pulled in by whatever colorful design trick the package may be pulling on me. Chocolate rabbits stare at my from shelves whispering “buy me” as I walk past them. Despite the huge array of really respectable, and tasty candy I can find in stores, there’s always that call to try something, well, nasty.  In 2007 I reviewed Brach’s Chicks and Bunnies which are like the rejects of the Circus peanuts. In 2008 my fancy was caught by these odd, large, brightly colored eggs, Brach’s Bunny Basket Eggs to be more specific. That selection was part fascination, as I’ve never encountered something like them before. This year, I found Atkinson’s version of the Bunny Basket Eggs. Which are very appropriately named “Hiding Eggs”.

Opening the bag I did notice that each egg is individually wrapped, which I think suggests they’re more meant for hiding for an Easter egg hunt than for eating. That’s the first warning sign I neglected to pay attention to. Secondly, these don’t feel nearly as heavy as the Brach’s ones did. The differences end there.

 

Atkinson's Hiding Eggs

The eggs are smooth and the color is very saturated. The shell is thick for a candy shell, it’s like 1/8 of an inch, and it’s very hard and crumbly. Once you crack through, the insides are fluffy and grainy, like a mix of marshmallow and nougat. The flavor is horribly sweet and artificial. I selected a pink egg and I took a small bite and got a mouth full of bubblegum. Despite my instincts, I then took a bite of a green one and my taste buds were flooded with a bitter floor cleaning lime flavor. Eee-yuck.

I gave up after that. I couldn’t take more of this self torture. So bad I wish they were an April Fool’s joke. I am tempted to use them for their intended purpose and save them for photos in the fresh spring green grass.

Also be sure to check out Cybele’s hilarious review of them from last year.

Rating: Inedible

 

Inedible

Links Atkinson’s Website


Jan
26



Skittles Chocolate Mix Package

I can’t help but feel I’m beating a dead horse with this review. I did a taste test for them a bit ago during my time at CandyAddict.com and it wasn’t favorable. Granted, Skittles are not a go-to candy of mine at all, but this still didn’t prepare me for the nastiness that is contained in the chocolate mix.

Where do I begin with these? I will do my best not to rant, but I feel like I have to stress a few things about these. Firstly, why would such a successful fruity candy like Skittles try and make something chocolatey? And it’s not even real chocolate, it’s a removed, fake chocolate one. That doesn’t even sound appealing to me. Secondly, they’re not pretty to look at. Where’s the rainbow we all love to taste? Candy should do it’s best to be attractive if it can be helped, and these sadly don’t cut it. I could go on, but I won’t.

So these are neither tasty nor appealing to the eyes. But considering my last taste of these was months ago, have my taste buds changed? Only one way to find out.

 

Skittles Chocolate Mix

Vanilla: This has a buttery bourbon vanilla taste. My thoughts turn to yellow cake mix.

Chocolate Pudding: Immediately very sweet and empty tasting, like bad cocoa. It’s bland, nasty and artificial. Not even remotely chocolatey.

Chocolate Caramel: This one tastes flat and very chemically. This doesn’t even get to the level of a tootsie roll it’s so fake and removed.

S’mores: Has more of a sweet graham marshmallow vanilla flavor

Brownie Batter: Something about this does read as brownie. It’s starchy and reminds me of the powder in a boxed mix. Fake, fake, fake.

So, the best flavor in this chocolate mix is the vanilla. That makes sense right? I can’t stress enough how much these are to be avoided.

Oh, and I don’t even like that Pinata Man in the commercials. He’s creepy.

Rating: Inedible

 

Inedible

Links
Skittles Webpage


Oct
10



Wonka SweetTarts Rope

This candy is totally new to me. Until I saw it just before buying it, I hadn’t any idea such a thing existed. That was the novelty, the new candy terrain to be discovered. It also sounded pretty promising, as I’m a fan of its cousin the NERDS Rope. Surely this would be an interesting twist on that. Or at least that’s my hope.

Each rope is about five inches long and looks like red licorice with a blue green goo on the inside. It smells very sour and well, tart. Like a red licorice injected with some sass. I could see this really appealing to kids.

The texture is awesome. You get the nice chew of red licorice and the smoothness of the inside, which is just slick and not slimy. It reminded me of frosting and it has a little bit of graininess to it like chunks of sugar that missed getting mixed in. The licorice is more rubbery and isn’t sticky.

The flavor starts out nice as a good fruity red licorice-like chew, then the goo comes in with a sour berry like flavor. It all goes wrong from there. An intense flavor of soap comes through and just washes all the candy flavors out. Seriously, this aftertaste of fake, perfumey, waxy soap just kills this whole thing, it’s really nasty. I couldn’t finsih my first log because I felt like I had bitten into the bar that was sitting in my shower.

So nasty ICK.

Rating: Inedible

 

Inedible

Links:
Wonka Website

 


Oct
07



M&Ms Razzberry Package

Talk about a blast from the past, right? Yes, I am aware that these were released a year ago. That’s ancient in candy time! In my defense, I saw them at one of my local candy haunts and thought I’d swipe them up before they disappeared or worse, were inedible. So here you are. The code on the back says 727FRCLVO*, so they’re not really that old at all. The package is an obnoxious bright pink, with a version of Red standing behind a large raspberry made of M&Ms pieces (logo and all) with a very sassy expression on his face. I’d expect this sort of thing to be reserved for Green!

The actual M&Ms are on the larger side, and are similar to what I remember the Crispy M&Ms being. They’re also a bring pink color like the package with the white “M” stamped onto them .They don’t have an aroma so it’s hard to gauge what the flavor will be like.

I have to be honest here and they taste…odd. I admit, they do taste like raspberry. But not the type of raspberry you’d want to be eating, mind you. It’s terribly artificial, with strong floral notes that really overpower any actual “berry” flavor in there. It’s such a loud flavor, it reminds me of old Bath and Body works perfume: still powerfully smelly yet so far removed from the original intent it’s hard to identify it anymore. You do taste the chocolate as it provides a brief respite from the “razz"berry flavor and delivers good sweetness. After tasting a few of these I feel like I had perfume sprayed in my tough. Ick.

Still, you may all already know this. These are to be avoided.

Rating:Inedible

 

Inedible

Links:
M&Ms Website

 


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